i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
