honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
