I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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