She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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