Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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