I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
tell me about the eggs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
