Well apparently he's into motor boating.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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