apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
