I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
