dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
