I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
