I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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