he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
