He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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