No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
