I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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