i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
