It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
