Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
