The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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