I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
