she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
