We're facebook friends in real life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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