i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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