she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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