Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
