I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
