Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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