My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
