i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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