oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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