once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
