I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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