yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
