My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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