Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
