Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
