Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
