it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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