DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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