When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
