tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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