it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
