Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You need Xanax blowdarts
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
