She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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