Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
