Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
