my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize