Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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