just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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