Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
