Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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