i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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