My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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