ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
