I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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