The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
