I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
