Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
