im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
