What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
