mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
