For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
