Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
