I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
