I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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