I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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