I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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