i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
