Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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