i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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