the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
