I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
