i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
