I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
