My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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