You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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